God, I miss you so much it hurts. I just want to hold you and tell you I love you and feel you in my arms. I want to feel you. I want you. I miss you. This is such a hard time.
“…Some try to use their newfound knowledge to “save” others who suffer from addictions and mental health issues, and end up exerting so much energy to help a boyfriend/girlfriend that they put their own recovery in jeopardy.”
This. Though it hurts, I must do this for myself.
I’m going to EDA/OA today. It’s about two years overdue.
It’s time to become the person I’m meant to be
In the silence, I let myself think. I wonder why I’ve made this decision.
But then I force myself to remember.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
When you’re in love with someone, but deny yourself them, you find yourself in a really strange situation/headspace.
What you need, is not always what you want.
I’m feeling so many emotions. Half of me feels strong, that I am doing the right thing. Half of me could burst into tears at any given moment.
The only thing I’m finding comfort in at this time is in knowing that won’t this last forever.
I love him, so very very much. And I always will. The bond we share is one of the most remarkable things I’ve ever experienced.
And we will be together. I know this more than I’ve ever known anything in my life. There will come a time that we are right where we need to be and everything will fall into place like it did once before.
I’m stepping away from this relationship because I need to, not because I want to. But I step away with confidence, knowing that it is not forever. I’ve seen my future. I’ve dreamt it. I’ve written about it. We will always love each other.
A small part of me worries, wondering if he’ll be waiting for me when I’m ready. But then I stop myself. He will be. I’m not expecting him to pine over me, or stay away form girls, but I know that his heart is mine. And mine is his.
We belong to each other. No matter what happens.
I am okay. I will get through this.
We will get through this.
We.
We’ll always be we.
I love him. Forever. Always.
Long distant relationships are shit.
You miss the person all the time, you’re sad constantly… you fall in love with a ghost.
I fell in love. And now it just hurts.
I will be for a very long time, and I’m not sure it will ever go away.
I’m in love with a ghost.
Maybe I fell in love with the right person, at the wrongest of times.
what am I doing? who is this person? what am I saying?
experiencing.
me.
the truth.
When this year began, I told myself I wanted to be more “present”.
So far, that has actually happened, shockingly enough.
I’ve noticed that I’m more confident in the things that mean a lot to me.
By being more present, I find myself become more emotionally interested in things, and I find myself respecting myself a great deal.
Last night I had a conversation with someone about religion. I wasn’t scared to say my piece, but I was also extremely open minded and non-judgmental.
I don’t really know how being more present has affected that at all, but it has. I’ve become more in tune with how I’m feeling and how I can express what’s on my mind.
I don’t feel like I can be pushed around or influenced as easily as I once was.
I used to look up to people in admiration when they would speak their mind eloquently and respectfully to others. Or would assert themselves in an uncomfortable situation.
It’s easier, of course, to just sit back and let others take the lead, but why? Why do that? Why not speak your mind? Why not be blunt? You’re alive, aren’t you?
I feel capable and unafraid and confident in the person I am and the thoughts I think.
That’s a good feeling.
Okay. 2013.
- Be present.
- Live out of love. Always.
- Smile.
- Take more walks.
- Write my feelings down more often.
- Express appreciation.
- STOP WORRYING.
- Let yourself be.
- Think of three things you’re grateful for every single day.
I’m in love. I’m loved. I have a beautiful family. I have an amazing little sister. There is a lot of love in my life. So what the fuck am I doing moping around so much? Open your eyes Tori. BE PRESENT.
So, this is my life.
I’m still trying to figure out what that pertains.
