I’m in love. I’m loved. I have a beautiful family. I have an amazing little sister. There is a lot of love in my life. So what the fuck am I doing moping around so much? Open your eyes Tori. BE PRESENT.
So, this is my life.
I’m still trying to figure out what that pertains.
Late at night, I become extremely perplexed.
The one person I want the most is 8 hours away from me, and I’m beginning to grow weary.
Something feels so… off, for lack of a better word. When I’m with him, everything, and I mean everything, is okay. When I’m not, it’s almost as if my life comes to a standstill until I get to see him again. This is unhealthy. But what do I do about it? I feel as though I really have no options. I don’t believe that my happiness is found within him, happiness is something that resides within my own soul, as it does with everyone on this planet. But still, I can’t seem to shake this void-like feeling I have in my chest.
I’m moving into an apartment with one of my closest friends, and a really cool chick that goes to MTSU. Next fall, I’ll be a freshman in college. There will be a plethora of new experiences thrown my way. Hell, life in itself will be a new experience. I suppose my question is this: How does one move forward in life, while holding onto a large part of the past?
It seems to be rather difficult finding a happy medium. Going out and having a social life is hard when the person you’re in love with is hundreds of miles away. It’s almost easier to stay home sometimes… But then you go out, and you’re thrust into everything you know could potentially be detrimental to any relationship.
It’s really hard to live two completely separate lives, while co-existing in another life altogether. It becomes confusing. Lines become blurred. Feelings get hurt.
Is it possible to have your cake and eat it too? Or do we ultimately have to choose?
Can we experience a “typical” college life, while being in a serious long-distance relationship?
Can we experience a “typical” college life while being in a serious relationship at all?
I’m not sure. But God knows I’m going to go down fighting. I just wish I was more capable of deciphering my feelings about the future. I truly believe I could be with this person for the rest of my lifetime, but then again, I’m only 18. We’re only 18. Am I dense for thinking such things? Am I dense for believing in love, no matter what the age?
I believe in him. I believe in me. I hope that’s enough.
I wish it was as easy as “I do my own thing, you do your own thing, and we’ll see each other once a month until one of us decides to move to the other”, but it’s not. It’s so not.
It’s more like “I do my own thing and miss you every second of the day to the point that doing my own thing is no longer enjoyable and you do your own thing and miss me every second of the day and everything is sad, and then one of us decides to actually try and to do our own thing and the other one’s feelings get hurt and everything is sad again, and I don’t really understand why I’m doing this to myself and I think you should just move here now and get it over with but at the same time I still think we should do our own thing because I don’t want us to look back and regret moving so quickly at such a young age *BIG BREATH*”
If anyone is in a long distance relationship, I know you feel my pain.
Being in any relationship long term is hard, but being in a long-term-long-distance relationship… props to you. It’s so emotionally draining. But worth it.
I wouldn’t change a thing, and I know everything will be alright. Life is just very up in the air right now.
I guess it always is considering we’re floating through space.
Darling, please don’t go.
I’ll eat you up, I love you so.
It’s 2013? Already?
Here’s to another year of breakdowns, laughter, tears, and spiritual awakenings.
Oh, btw, on the 4th of January I officially became a real life grown up.
Been in a relationship for a year now with my very best friend.
Super cool shit, I know.
New Years Resolution: I’ll post on my blog more often (and lose weight)
… Who am I kidding, I’ll do neither of those things. Whatevs. Old habits die hard?
Indeed they do.
Here’s to another 358 days (I’m a little late) of living.
Pour yourself another and drink it down, it’s more than likely going to be a bumpy ride.
It makes my blood boil.
Why? I don’t know.
But it fucking makes me want to punch someone in the face.
You are mine